Funny Guy Friday... We don't need no stinkin' Mommy...

   Cheryl decided to leave us this past weekend to spend some time with friends in Ocean City. Ever since the kids were little, I have had a battle cry for these occasions. We don't need no stinkin' Mommy, we cheer. I need this cheer because my kids like their mom better than they like me. When they were younger, they cried when Mom left and I never understood this because I have always been the fun parent.
     For example, this past weekend, we did not eat a single meal at home. That's right, we ate out for breakfast, lunch, dinner and dessert. MacDonald's, Dunkin Donuts, Cold Stone Creamery, and the list goes on and on. We had bad stuff, too, so take that Michelle Obama!
     Cold Stone's offered a concrete example of my mad (I think that is a term the kids use today) parenting skills. Cold Stone's has three sizes--Like it (small), Love it (medium) and Got to Have it (large). Cheryl makes the kids order a size that they don't even advertise----the children's size. It's embarrassing! Me? I tell them get the Like it Love it Get sick from it size... w/two mix-ins! Cheryl has them brainwashed. Not one of them took me up on my offer.
     This brings up something that the kids do that I just don't understand. Oftentimes, I give my permission for the kids to do something or go somewhere. This is often countered with,  "Mommy usually says no."
     My immediate thought is, Well then, aren't you lucky that you asked the fun parent!
     My usual response is one of the following: Don't you know by now that I outrank her, or If we actually got into a fistfight, I would crush Mom. 
     Neither of these clever retorts seems to persuade them as they scurry off to tell mom that I gave them permission to do something bad. They tattle on me for crying out loud! In fact, when I said we ate "bad stuff too," what I really meant was that I told them that they could eat bad stuff but they ordered healthy stuff. I ordered bad stuff and they ratted me out to their stinkin' mommy when she got home.
     But I am not just the fun parent when it comes to dietary issues. I let them stay up later. I let them sleep in my bed. I let them watch stuff that Cheryl would never allow.
     But in spite of all that, I get this exchange from Noah... Let me set the stage...
     Cheryl had been gone for about 24 hours and we had gotten ice cream the night before. We had stayed up and watched a movie (one with a little bit of violence and a few bad words, but I don't think the kids noticed) and then had Dunkin Donuts for breakfast.
     Later that morning, I walked into a room and found Grace reprimanding Noah for repeating a word that sounded just a smidge like a word that he may have heard in the movie the night before (maybe he did notice the language in the movie... Who would have thought?).
     Anyway, I gently reminded him that we should not say words like that, especially with mommy only 12 hours away from returning home. The little monkey burst into tears and hollered, "I want Mommy... I don't like staying at home with Dad!"
     You have got to be kidding me. I told him to stop crying, and to hurry up and eat his lollipop because the ice cream man was on his way! Mom would have never given that kind of response.
    As I read this post to Noah, I asked him why he likes Mommy better. He did confirm his choice, but he also acknowledged that I was, in fact, the fun parent. The reason he likes his Mommy better is because... "Mommy is prettier." How do I compete with that? There is not a lollipop in the world that beats a pretty mom.
    Anyway we survived the weekend, and I would appreciate it if nobody mentions the stuff that I wrote in this week's FGF to Cheryl. You know, on second thought, go ahead and mention it because when it comes right down to it, if we actually did get into a fistfight about it, I would crush her.