Funny Guy Friday... The Twelve Days of Christmas...

     When I was a kid, I used to think that it would be really cool to be Jewish. I didn't really know much about the religion, but I thought it would be nice to celebrate Hannukah. Plus, I already knew that dradle song.
     Like most kids, I was not too excited about giving up hot dogs, but I was intrigued by the thought of receiving presents for eight straight days. Those Jewish kids had it great, and as a bonus, most of them told me that they also celebrated Christmas. Heck, I would wander aimlessly in a desert for forty years if I got to celebrate both Hannukah and Christmas.
     Tonight I came home and was pleased to find out that the Twelve Days of Christmas is not just a song, but there are really twelve days of Christmas. Unfortunately, today was number twelve. Cheryl explained (and has blogged about) each day bringing a new activity. She also advised that starting next year, we are going to start new family traditions and we are going to celebrate all twelve days. I am totally back into being Catholic because twelve is better than eight and I get my dogs back!
     I knew something was different when I walked into the house and smelled the unmistakable smell of a cake baking in the oven. Wow, what is the occasion? I asked. This was Epiphany, celebrating the arrival of the three kings to see the Baby Jesus! We were going to have a feast. Great, Cheryl is into this... we are getting something good tonight.
     I like feasts, so I anxiously asked what we were having for dinner? Imagine my surprise when she replied that she got so busy making the cake... and then the kids came in... and, well, they got involved in the cake... and well, er uh, she forgot to make anything for dinner. But the cake will be delicious. Does anybody know the difference between feast and famine? The answer is simple-----FOOD!
     Fortunately, Grace managed to rustle up some chow, and put together a delicious Joe Corbi pizza. Not to be outdone, Cheryl popped open a can of apple sauce. She did offer a special gourmet touch of cinnamon on top, so there was that "feast-like" touch. Perhaps a little more Cooking Channel and a little less blogging may be in order for my wonderful wife.
     Anyway, when it came time to cut the cake, Cheryl advised that she had baked a special prize into the cake and whoever got that special prize was the winner. Grace thought that Cheryl had baked a little Baby Jesus into the cake. I have no idea why Grace would want to bake the Baby Jesus, but this is what she thought!  Again, I got very excited about the special prize and thought could it be gold, frankincense or myrrh. If not one of the actual three gifts brought by the wise men, perhaps it would be some symbolic item representing those gifts.
     The special prize turned out to be a walnut. Why a walnut, you ask? So did I, and the answer cleared everything up. She put a walnut in the cake because she could not find a bean. I did not ask for an explanation, I just figured it was our first crack at actually celebrating this day, so we have to still work the kinks out.
     Next year, I may just buy her a small, baking-safe Baby Jesus to throw in the cake. I found it fascinating that the kids were so intent on finding the the super walnut that they barely ate their cake as they stabbed it looking for the magic walnut. After all, a special prize is a special prize.
     Finally, there were presents. Who knew? Certainly not me, so I had nothing for Cheryl. Imagine my shock when we each got three gifts, including Cheryl.
     You know... for months before Christmas, I asked her what she wanted, and always got the same response, "You don't have to buy me anything. I have everything that I need." Although this is probably true, it did not give me much guidance. At 6pm on December 23rd, I told her I did not get her much, and she chose that time to rattle off fifteen things that she would like. It was too late.
     Epihany provided a second chance for her to go and buy herself three of the things that I did not get her. She is so cute, she wrapped them and acted surprised when she opened each one.
     As I sat and watched everyone open their gifts, I decided that next year, we would not actually need twelve days. The way things go around here, twelve days is asking too much anyway. I thought to myself, How can we streamline this nearly two week celebration into something a little more manageable? 
     My first thought was that we could cram twelve days into four days. We could start the first Thursday after Christmas and get two days worth of celebration in on both Thursday and Friday. Then we could come in on the weekend and finish with four days worth on Saturday and four more on Sunday. This gives us more time to Epiphany shop, decorate, and bake.  This additional time would also allow Cheryl to purchase those special Epiphany beans instead of having to fall back on super walnuts.
     On second thought, if we are going to do that, I may as well go back to my original plan and become a Jew. They seem to have it just right with eight crazy days.