Funny Guy Friday... Striving to be perfect...

     We went on vacation to Newport, Rhode Island, this past week, and on the drive my wife decided to read to me from a book called The Catholic Family Handbook: How to Strengthen Your Marriage and Raise Good Kids.
     We don't need this, I thought, and the look on my face told her what I had presumed she knew after eighteen years together... I hate to be read to.
     Undaunted, my wife pressed on. On second thought, perhaps one of us could use some of this information after all.
     Chapter One extolled the virtues of the Holy Family, and encouraged each Catholic family to strive to be like the Holy Family. This should be easy... their Child was perfect... and His Mother was without sin. The only human involved in the Holy Family that required a get out of jail free card was the dad. What a shocker!!
     I am guessing that there is a reason that the Holy Family only had one Child. Because I am here to tell you that after just a few days of vacation, we have a lot of work ahead of us. Traveling with three kids is tough.
     First, Matthew introduced us to a car game called Bingo, which Grace argued is really called Yellow Car. This argument has yet to be resolved!
     Anyway, you yell Bingo when you see a yellow car. First one to spell Bingo wins. Simple enough, but in the course of the drive, a few issues arose... Do construction vehicles count? Do buses in a lot count? Does yellowish orange count? What if the car is only partially yellow? Does the car that Noah points at before yelling Bingo count for him, or the kid that actually yells bingo after Noah points to it? Can Mom give another player one of her letters? This only applies to Mom as nobody else in the family would think to do such a thing. Do we trust Noah when he says he saw one that nobody can confirm? Can you call Bingo when mom is in the middle of reading Chapter One aloud? The answer to the last issue is an emphatic NO!
     Now multiply this by a nine hour drive to Newport and you have situations that just did not come up any time in the New Testament... Although, I did do some research, and it turns out that they did have a similar camel game called Two Hump.
     Second, I wonder if Joseph and Mary had conversations like this:
Joseph:  Man I hate sitting in traffic.
Mary:  It could be worse.
Joseph:  Of course it could be worse, it could always be worse.
Mary:  Complaining will not help, besides God has us exactly where he wants us for a reason.
Joseph: So, God wants us in camel-butt to camel-butt traffic on the New Jericho Turnpike? How do you sit there so calmly?
Mary:  Commit it to prayer. Ask for peace.
Joseph: Sure, play the prayer card!
Mary: Well, I am calm and you are not.
Joseph: Well, I am normal and you are not.
Mary: I'll pray for you.
     If you did not know, I am Joseph and Cheryl is Mary in the above referenced conversation.
     Third, I came into a room with Matthew screaming because Grace sat on his head. With just one perfect Child, you just don't come across these types of shenanigans. My favorite part of this story are the two explanations that followed.
     The first is that Matthew was just clearing the way for Grace in a lovely gesture meant to make the bed softer and more inviting when she purposefully plopped her bottom right down on top of his head. The other explanation was that Matthew purposefully plopped his head right under Grace's bottom as she was just about to place her bottom on the bed. I suppose he did this in an effort to frame her.
     I am not sure that either story contains the complete truth, and under either explanation, I am not seeing perfection.
     Finally, the Holy Family did not have to live with an adolescent daughter. Specifically, what do you do when you go on vacation and the adolescent daughter forgets to pack her unmentionables, like her bra? The answer is that you bring in the big guns! Thats right, my daughter had to borrow her mother's bra. I am sure that Mary always lent support to her Child, but this was ridiculous.
     I don't know who was more mortified by this exchange me or my daughter. I am happy to report that no songs popped in my head, and the words Double D never came out of my mouth!    
    Striving to be perfect is not going to be easy. There will only ever be one Holy Family, and I will continue to pray for their intercession in my Catholic family.